Tea Party

17 Nov

IMG_7488I’m beginning to feel like a walking cliche – my “therapist” advised me to celebrate myself, so this weekend I held a tea party for some of my grad school friends. Sure, it’s cliche to get therapy after the meltdown of a relationship/marriage, but it was a pretty good suggestion!IMG_7464 IMG_7471

It was nice to have something to get excited about and look forward to. I like looking forward to things – that feeling of anticipation is sometimes just as great as the event itself. (and hubs has so much anxiety related to, really, anything that he killed that excitement for me). I got fancy cupcakes, baked some tea cookies, made some sandwich wraps, and sorted my fancy teas (I have quite the collection). I had 4 friends come over, one of whom has an almost 2 year old daughter so she had fun playing with N. And all my friends had a good time chatting, playing with the kiddos and just hanging out together. It was a nice change of pace and nice to host people in MY home. They loved my pink couch and generally liked the university digs.IMG_7500IMG_7501IMG_7507It was especially good to have a party this weekend because I’m not doing very well. I’m not sure why – maybe because it’s been a few weeks since my family has been around to help and another couple weeks ’till I head out to visit them. It’s hard to entertain a 2-year old days on end. Sure, he goes to school but I think I’m not stimulating enough for him 🙂 I’m also bogged down in work to do. Actually, I have more work to do than is possible by one human, but I have no one to delegate it to. I have so much responsibility that it is back-breaking at times and I try not to focus on it but it overwhelms me when I do. I’m so tired of letting people down and no meeting obligations, but it is probably going to take months, if not years, of hard work to get back to a livable balance.IMG_7517Yay friends!

And of course, hubs is a huge stressor. He’s running into troubles with passports/visas/citizenship. . .and he’s been trying to pressure me into helping him deal with it. But it is not my fault that he entered the country on his American passport and may now run afoul of Ukraine’s laws. I just can’t help. I don’t have the financial, legal, or emotional capacity to support him in any way. And whenever he doesn’t get his way he freaks out and tears me down. So it’s another weekend of tiptoeing on eggshells even though he’s across the world. And it is so tiring! I spend my days dreaming of bedtime, trying to do simply what I must to get through the day. And that’s no way to live… Tonight he was actually nicer. He recognizes that he is supposed to be a friend to me and to Nikita and he seems to be trying to do just that and not more. I just want to keep things simple and kind between us.

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