Picking up the Pieces

2 Oct

The past couple weeks have seen a 180 in the way I live – with hubs gone, I’ve set my mind to picking up the pieces from a broken marriage.

First bits were basic needs – get housing, get childcare. I’ve figured out a morning drop-in preschool for N and he’s now registered for the full month of October. I got an offer on student family housing at my university, so i’ll be moving in there in a few weeks. It’s a 2-bedroom, decent sized, right next to campus and we will get an ‘in’ with the childcare there so we can phase N into full-time childcare.

Second was finding money and I’ve managed to get not only my usual TA-ship but a 2nd teaching job at my university as well. Best part is, that position is hourly and just got a raise to $70/classroom hour. So that’s a great help as I try and pull my finances together and figure out where I’m at, provide for my son, and figure out how to get divorced. I also applied for another great job (can I say ‘dream job’ once again – i’m so fortunate that there are so many wonderful jobs out there I can see myself in – now if one will just see me as their ideal candidate!), so the career may be looking more solid in just a few months.

I’m now in group therapy at a local women’s organization and that’s helping me deal with the emotional fallout of being in an abusive relationship. I’ve been in deep denial for years and I’m slowly getting mad. Right now, in fact, as I type this I’m getting abusive texts from across the world because I’m trying to let him know that he won’t have a place to live if he takes that return flight back in December. This past weekend he disappeared–I heard from him Friday online, but then he was gone. I finally called Sunday night and his mom said he was out of town !?! I later find out he went to Russia with his dad and nephew to visit his aunt. He had so much anxiety about entering Ukraine on his American passport, and now all of a sudden he’s hopping over to Russia (on the Ukrainian one, I’m assuming since he has no Russian visa) like it’s no big deal. 18 hr drive and he didn’t think to tell us – not to mention that he had planned to skype with N Sunday morning.

I can already picture just how involved he’ll be in N’s life.

So now I’m just figuring out how to do it – how I can file for divorce cheaply (as in, by myself) but still get him served internationally. How to protect myself and my son if he does return to the US. To not drag this thing out for years and years…

But with the peace and quiet that come from having him out of my life, I’m doing quite well and getting so many things done. Lesson planning, healthy cooking, plenty of sleep, logistical tasks taken care of… Now I just have to get the legal stuff in order, our business disposed of and back-edits finished and to clients. . and I will be free!

Just one last thing, though, about how carefully i have to juggle now. Today N has come down with his first cold 😦 and since I have nobody here, I’m home for the day. Class cancelled. Home. I hope we can manage to keep the multiple colds, flus, sicknesses at bay, or we’re in for a long year.

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2 Responses to “Picking up the Pieces”

  1. mykissandtellall October 8, 2013 at 11:23 pm #

    I think thats awesome that you teach, are you teaching and a student? Or no longer a student? I just started grad school my undergrad is BSE so I have a teaching degree. Prek-6 though.

    • GradBaby October 10, 2013 at 10:46 pm #

      Thanks for the comment!
      I’m a Teaching Assistant/instructor at my university and a PhD student. . .so I work mainly with university students (and mostly English as a Second Language students).

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