24 Sep

The saddest thing about ending a relationship, of splitting up a family . . . is letting go of all the possibilities. I know that my future is wide open and I have no idea what’s around the next corner and I definitely know that my current relationship was unsustainable, but until the end I still had hope.

Hope that it was all a nightmare.
Hope that all the problems would all disappear.
Hope that we could work through it and have the happy future we talked about.
Hope that N would have a brother or sister.
Hope that I would see a 10-year wedding anniversary.
Hope that we really would go to Hawaii together for a vacation in paradise.
Hope that we will baptize N in the motherland and have a huge party with our family of friends.

Now, those things aren’t going to happen–at least not exactly as hoped. I am sure I’ll find a new happiness. In fact, I’m already happier than I have been in the past few months . . . but now I have to re-imagine those dreams. And THAT makes me sad.


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