Archive | September, 2013


30 Sep

Oh, my little boy is so grown up!! Today we made it through our first day of preschool!

1382173_10153293361915611_67333553_nDue to my new single-mama status N must now attend some kind of preschool and luckily the drop-in preschool right by my university allows little ones to come at 2 years old. Most daycares in the area require the kiddos to be there all day (even part-time , which is 2 or 3 full days a week), but I teach only at 9:30 and 12:30, so I don’t need a full day. So he’ll now be going half-days, every day, for this quarter.734120_10153293361965611_1666912061_nHe did pretty well–when we got there he was a bit clingy and didn’t want to say ‘goodbye’ but once they got him interested in playing he was ok. I guess there were a few fussy moments and a big water-spill all over himself, but overall the day went well. He was silly and happy when I came to get him and he took a good nap. We had a nice evening together and I think tomorrow will go just fine.1377006_10153293361760611_1532775263_n1240416_10153293361865611_1670481244_nMy parents left today so today was our first day all on our own. And you know what, N had a great dinner (ate an eggplant pasta dish I made yesterday and LOVED it!), we had time to play, take a bath, and he went down easily for the night. I worked–edited videos and I’m going to read a bit from my textbook for tomorrow’s lesson after I finish this. I just keep crossing things off my list–it’s amazing what you can do with a little peace and quiet.



24 Sep

The saddest thing about ending a relationship, of splitting up a family . . . is letting go of all the possibilities. I know that my future is wide open and I have no idea what’s around the next corner and I definitely know that my current relationship was unsustainable, but until the end I still had hope.

Hope that it was all a nightmare.
Hope that all the problems would all disappear.
Hope that we could work through it and have the happy future we talked about.
Hope that N would have a brother or sister.
Hope that I would see a 10-year wedding anniversary.
Hope that we really would go to Hawaii together for a vacation in paradise.
Hope that we will baptize N in the motherland and have a huge party with our family of friends.

Now, those things aren’t going to happen–at least not exactly as hoped. I am sure I’ll find a new happiness. In fact, I’m already happier than I have been in the past few months . . . but now I have to re-imagine those dreams. And THAT makes me sad.

2 years old!

19 Sep


The stats: You are right between 24 months and 2T in clothing. You wear a size 7/7.5 shoe. You are tall and lean and much bigger than your peers on the playground. Edited to add: you did so well at your 2-year checkup, despite the fact that you got a flu shot and a blood draw to check iron, vitamin D and lead (since we live in a creepy old house). Everything checked out ok! You weigh 30 pounds and are 35.5 inches tall.

Nicknames: Snuggle-bug, snuggle bunny, muffin, Nikitulia, etc.


Temperament: Generally you are very easygoing and energetic. You like to run outside and explore new things. But you have opinions and if you don’t get what you want, you don’t hesitate to scream & cry. Lately, though, you try to show us what you want, grabbing mama or grandma by the hand to point out just what exactly we need to do for you.


What You’re Eating: You like carbs, proteins, and dairy: bread, eggs, meat, cheese, yogurt. You’re not much for fruits and veggies, though I can sneak some tomato sauce onto your pasta. You do eat sweet potato fries (tater tots are the best!) and raisins. You LOVE raisins.

What You’re Saying: During the summer you picked up “ish” for Push (on the swing). You just started saying “bye-bye” a couple days ago and now it’s your favorite. In fact you talk unintelligibly all day long talking about this and that. . and bit by bit we’re beginning to understand you.

Item/Toy You Love The Most: Mama’s iphone. Or any iphone really. For your birthday we got you this really cute flip phone that plays sounds (Papa even recorded his voice!). You do like it, but nobody is fooling you–you prefer the real thing. What is especially funny is how you hold the phone to your mouth, away from your face, just like it’s on speaker phone. You also really love parks–you’re learning how to climb and go down the slide (either head-first or on your belly, feet first). You love the adventure of it all!


Things I’m Loving Most Right Now: When I’m putting you down for bed at night, you cuddle in for just a second. It is so precious! I also love your energy, playing games with you, and watching you learn!

Things You’re Loving Most Right Now: Playing with Grandma and Grandpa. While mama teaches each day, Grandma and Grandpa play with you. Sometimes in their RV, sometimes in stores or parks. But you have adventures every day with those two and you love it. You return in the evening so happy! And you have done several overnights with them and you don’t seem to miss your mama at all 🙂


Oh, my snuggle-bug, I can’t believe you’re two!! It has been quite the year–learning to walk, breaking your leg, learning to walk again, enjoying one of the finest Northwest summers ever, visiting Montana. . .the list goes on! You’re turning into such a little boy and I love watching your intelligence and personality develop every day. You are so deliberate about everything you do and so joyful! I forget all my worries and problems when I’m with you. You truly are my joy and you are SO loved!!

IMG_7305 MamaNikitaBirthday IMG_7349 IMG_7346 IMG_7388 IMG_7392 - 8x10

Happy birthday, my love!!

Starting Over

15 Sep

Tomorrow evening Hubs is leaving for the motherland. His return ticket is for December. I haven’t said much in public posts, though I’ve been privately blogging my heart out, but he past year has been rough. Hubs has had undiagnosed and untreated mental health issues for a long time (forever?) but our relationship was happy on balance. This year it has been more unhappy than happy and for the past few months the fighting, snipping, and general dysfunction has risen to an intolerable level. We don’t have any good options to spend some time apart, so Hubs is going abroad to spend time with family. At the same time, N and I are getting a new apartment (smaller than this house, more amenities I hope) and we’re starting over. I won’t exactly rush to the next steps–if I’ve learned anything in this life it is that anything can happen, but I will say that I am done with this relationship as it stands. The drama has created too much damage to the relationship and Hubs isn’t willing/capable to make it right.

And so, with a newly 2-year old (birthday was Saturday! Post coming soon!), and hopefully a new job (still waiting to find out–I’m guessing I’ll hear tomorrow!), I am starting over.

Fall has always been a time of new beginnings for me. This year it’s really true. I’m excited and terrified to be on my own, raising a child, making a career. I’m excited to move forward with my life, not wasting time, money, and emotional energy on a failing relationship but I’m terrified of the responsibility for this amazing child. To always have someone to care for him (while I juggle school, work, bills, etc).

The plan is to just take it 1 day at a time…