Tomorrow evening Hubs is leaving for the motherland. His return ticket is for December. I haven’t said much in public posts, though I’ve been privately blogging my heart out, but he past year has been rough. Hubs has had undiagnosed and untreated mental health issues for a long time (forever?) but our relationship was happy on balance. This year it has been more unhappy than happy and for the past few months the fighting, snipping, and general dysfunction has risen to an intolerable level. We don’t have any good options to spend some time apart, so Hubs is going abroad to spend time with family. At the same time, N and I are getting a new apartment (smaller than this house, more amenities I hope) and we’re starting over. I won’t exactly rush to the next steps–if I’ve learned anything in this life it is that anything can happen, but I will say that I am done with this relationship as it stands. The drama has created too much damage to the relationship and Hubs isn’t willing/capable to make it right.
And so, with a newly 2-year old (birthday was Saturday! Post coming soon!), and hopefully a new job (still waiting to find out–I’m guessing I’ll hear tomorrow!), I am starting over.
Fall has always been a time of new beginnings for me. This year it’s really true. I’m excited and terrified to be on my own, raising a child, making a career. I’m excited to move forward with my life, not wasting time, money, and emotional energy on a failing relationship but I’m terrified of the responsibility for this amazing child. To always have someone to care for him (while I juggle school, work, bills, etc).
The plan is to just take it 1 day at a time…